I Want to Slalom My Way Into Your Olympic Village

"I want to slalom my way into your Olympic Village.  Curling.  Freestyle. Your halfpipe, my bobsled until we luge."

Yes, that is an actual quote.  A guy friend (who is also online dating) and I we're trying to decipher this amazing message.  Obviously this person is really into winter sports.  But since this is a metaphor, the curling part concerns me.  There will be no "curling" in my lady parts.  *cringe*  Freestyle seems somewhat creative.  My halfpipe?  If he's talking about lady parts, that would be a whole pipe (hole pipe?).  His bobsled, is that the size of a two-person or four-person bobsled?  At this point I don't think I want to find out.  Until we luge - I like the luge, doubles rather than single, but definitely not the team relay!  My guy friend and I were trying to figure out the best response.  We felt like we couldn't quite compete with the original message, but decided I should at least end the message with "I want you to slapshot my short track."

Anyway, I've been a lazy dater.  I originally told myself that anyone who I had good conversation with would get a second date.  Turns out I have good conversations with everybody, so I haven't followed through more than once.  I did have to cancel a second date - to the JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE concert - because the guy started sending me passive aggressive messages like, "You'll probably find another guy before then," and "You probably don't feel the same way."  I've had my share of an insecure, controlling boyfriend, so I don't need to go down that road again.  Not even for JT.

However, there has been one bright star so far in the vast and endless online dating universe, Mr. Marketing.  He's the only person who scheduled dinner on the first date, and we stayed until close (my longest online date on record).  It was an intimate dinner at a swanky restaurant in the Warehouse District.  All other dates have been an hour or two for coffee or drinks and appetizers.  The second date was dinner again, the comedy club, and another hidden gem of an upscale bar until 2am.  For the third date, he has planned dinner and ice skating.  He's always a gentleman, always insists on picking up the check (yes I do offer), and hasn't tried to move in on the goods yet.  I give him an A so far.  He also said, "I need every weekend until we fall madly in love or realize we're not compatible."  Everyone should be stealing that line.